Emotional Intelligence – Building the currency of trust in business
Knowing me knowing you, aha – Abba
‘There is nothing we can do.’ So went the lines of the Abba song. Cheesy? Genius? That is according to your taste, your perspective…
Here are some further lines to the song we ‘hear’ all the time in our work:
‘There is nothing we can do,
cuz we need to be right – or blue!
We won’t look at our part in the messy pile.
‘It’s not my fault’ – we say with pride.
‘They keep doing what they do and don’t try’.
Same old same old. They ain’t changin’, nor am I.’
Sound familiar? We all want to be right – often even if it makes us unhappy, or perpetuates a situation. “THEY” need to change, not I!
Actually, if we are involved in a situation, there is almost always plenty we and they could have done to make it better. We just choose not to.
Abba did get it right with ‘Knowing me, knowing you’. If you boil it down, this is the essence of emotional intelligence (EQ). Today, EQ is increasingly recognized as indispensable to relationship building everywhere in our lives. Modern business and organizational leadership and stewardship are increasingly aware of EQ as a core competency for sustainable success in our diverse and fast-paced world.
Most of us growing up in the western world develop a shaky relationship with our emotions. We’re praised for our intellect, humor, or sports capability; and judged on our academic achievements and exam results. Our emotions, on the other hand, were (and mostly still are) aspects of our growth that we simply did not learn how to identify, manage or use to our advantage. There’s no spreadsheet we can put emotions in to make them add up. No formula that renders a predictable result. Emotion can be joyous, for sure – and that is usually acceptable. Other emotions like anger, sadness, and shame can often be embarrassing, uncomfortable and confusing. No wonder, then, that some of us prefer to tune out our emotions or shut them down, occasionally being caught by surprise when we lose emotional control over a minor issue. Others live with their emotions closer to the surface, buffeted and tossed by them and unleashing their emotions haphazardly – and often painfully – on the world.
Here’s the irony. The challenge in business is that it is the emotional side of us that develops loyalty and commitment, that builds trust, that leads, inspires and creates connection. Emotional connection is what engages and is ‘engaged with’. EQ is a crucial factor (often THE crucial factor!) in individual and business performance. Yet we are told to simply leave emotion to chance, at home, or to sweep our feelings under the table.
Emotional denial might work when we first start off in business. After all, it is a time when we are focused on ourselves, on building and proving our technical competence and showing what we can do – and how we can blend in.
As we move upward in an organization, things change. It becomes our responsibility to lead and manage people and teams, who may themselves be managing people and teams. As we operate in this space, it is not our own delivery of tasks that is measured or important. We increasingly need to deliver performance and results through inspiring and engaging our people and teams. Our ability to relate and communicate with others, to get the best from them, to motivate in times of uncertainty and change, to influence, to facilitate collaboration, to master ourselves under the glare and pressure, these are what become increasingly important to our success. These deliver engagement – and business performance results. This means applying our EQ to understand and manage the emotional side of ourselves and others.
In my 35 years in business I have always trusted my emotions. I’ve always believed that by touching emotion you get the best people to work with you, the best clients to inspire you, the best partners and most devoted customers – Kevin Roberts, CEO Saatchi & Saatchi
When emotional intelligence and engagement don’t occur, the consequences are visible – and toxic. At ThirdLEVEL, we often see fracture and strain within senior teams, visible patterns of poor communication and interaction creating an environment where people do not trust each other, where perceptions have been formed about the negative motives and behaviors of others. Worse, those perceptions are treated as the truth…
…there is resistance and evasion, and while conversations about task, progress and actions are held, the important conversations, those that request and offer support, those that seek new and better ways, those that enable innovation under pressure, those that get the issues on the table and chart a joint way forward, those conversations are not held.
When was the last time you had a conversation about how you felt at work?
About how others were feeling?
About the effect of someone’s behavior on the morale of the team?
We watched as one company tried to bring together heads of countries to form a joined-up approach. They saw their dream undermined by the old guard, who didn’t want change, and shot in the foot by the new guard, who relied on statistics and spreadsheets to make their case. It was not working. It took months of EQ, facilitated interactions, and trust building through sharing much more openly and vulnerably, to turn the team from literally worst to first in performance.
Whether we like it or not, feelings and moods affect our attitudes, behaviors and interactions with others around us virtually all our waking hours. They impact our workplace behaviors, performance and results. Little wonder that Daniel Goleman’s book on Emotional Intelligence sold millions when it came out in the ‘90s – and is the best selling social science book in history. Little wonder that companies are realizing that Emotional Intelligence – understanding it, enhancing it and applying it – is key to building trust, the hard currency of business.
Click here to download our newest white paper on engagement, its profound impact on business performance, and the role of EQ in enhancing engagement in your business.
How do you feel about using your emotional intelligence at work? How much do you trust your feelings when making a decision?
How might you do things differently if you did? If you have, how did it affect your outcomes?
Motivation.
How do we get really going in the morning, at work, at any task?
Mark Twain said, “The secret of success is making your vocation your vacation.”
When you and your team get up and go to work with ‘have to’, ‘should’, ‘it’s my job’, how likely is it that you will give your best when you get there? When your staff – who are wired just like you, after all (okay, most of them…) - show up for their jobs, what state of mind do you want them in? If customer service is important to your business, (and trust us, it is, no matter what your business is, and regardless of whether that ‘customer’ is internal or external), then how happy do you want your people to be? How focused? How motivated?
Clearly we want to be as happy, focused and motivated as we ourselves want to be. As is totally, if possible.
Here’s the funny part. All the science of human motivation, business studies from London School of Economics and The Federal Reserve, and virtually every other study on what makes us happy, focused and motivated in economics, human behavior and the social sciences,tell us that we need three things to be real:
Autonomy, Mastery and Purpose. I always add Respect. Up front. People want to feel respected, no matter what they do. So, we come away with the acronym RAMP to our success.
Our next few blogs will be about these 4 concepts. Today’s message is quick and simple.
Think about how you can make your job more like your avocation, your hobby, your passion. We know it cannot always be like that. And what would 10% more fun and passion bring in business results to you?
Let us know your thoughts on how you and your team can have more fun and passion.
Our best!
Stephen and Margaret
http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_pink_on_motivation.html
Trust – Are you paying the tax…
…or reaping the dividend?
Mistrust doubles the cost of doing business – Professor John Whitney, Columbia Business School
Is your company paying a trust tax? Many companies and organizations are paying dearly, without even realizing it. The trust tax is Stephen M.R. Covey’s concept of the financial toll on companies where trust is low both internally and with customers. In the external stakeholder tax bracket, it shows up as militant stakeholders, with an intense political atmosphere and divided camps and parties. In the internal tax brackets, we see misalighned systems, silos and unecessary hierarchy.
The trust dividend, on the other hand, is where trust is a visible asset in the workplace, evidenced through positive partnering with stakeholders and employees, strong innovation and creativity, helpful systems and structures, and a generally upbeat positive atmosphere.
Where does trust start? It can’t simply be in grand sweeping statements, or every business on the planet would have mined its potential. It is not a management tool – or just a nice concept. Trust has to be accessible, manageable, tangible and meaningful, something we can all get our arms around. After working with many companies, teams and individuals, we at ThirdLEVEL have come to understand exactly what that something is:
Trust is Us. Trust is You and Me.
It starts with our own ability to extend trust, build it, and restore it, with ourselves, our teams, our stake-holders and clients. Trust is one of the ‘hardest’ skills of all in its mastery and impact in business, family and life. In fact, all economic systems, all business is based in trust. Money exchange is a basic trust that there is an agreed upon value that is transferred…
..even our currency is emblazoned with and based upon Trust. “In God We Trust…
…in business, ThirdLEVEL defines trust as ‘a firm belief in the ethics, integrity, reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something’. Stephen M.R. Covey views trust as a function of character and competence, including your motive and intent with people, and your skills, capabilities and track record.
Patrick Lencioni, who looks at trust in the context of building high-performing teams, states that ‘trust is the confidence among team members that their peers’ intentions are good’. This enables team members to be open and honest with each other about their vulnerabilities, including areas where they need help feel overwhelmed, have made a mistake or cannot keep previous agreements. We ask, would you rather know what the truth of the situation is, or have people try to work it out on their own…
…which would you trust more?
Whatever definition you prefer, trust is the unseen but deeply felt (or deeply missed) energy that flows through the veins of an organization, keeping it healthy, ensuring that head, heart, body and limbs work together effectively, even optimally. Trust makes organizations faster, more energetic and lighter on their feet. Staff feel it, and convey it. The customer literally chooses to buy based on trust!
‘You cannot prevent a major catastrophe but you can build an organization that is battle-ready, that has high morale, that knows how to behave, that trusts itself and where people trust one another. In military training the first rule is to instill soldiers with trust in their officers, because without trust, they won’t fight.’ – Peter Drucker
Can trust rank alongside strategy, product or vision as a driver in business performance and results? Absolutely! – and it must.
Your people will hold back and perform minimally, when they do not trust your organization, what it stands for, how it conducts itself, and/or the focus and integrity of its policies, procedures and processes.
Your staff will not speak up, make suggestions, go the extra mile or tell you when things are not right when they do not trust your leaders or managers.
You are paying the trust tax when: Your culture does not foster the building of bonds that span silos, having the conversations that break the log-jam, inspiring each other towards the prize because your people do not trust each other.They won’t tell you the truth, because they don’t trust your response. In a nutshell, they will not feel the sense of collective pride that builds confidence and ignites performance. The speedometer, which says that you can reach 150 mph, will jog along at 75 where it’s always been. Maybe you recognize that situation. YOU pay the trust tax…
This is not to suggest that you can and should trust everybody all of the time. Quite the contrary. Trust needs to be built and reinforced regularly. Keep your word. Deliver your goals. Ask for help. Admit when you’re in trouble on a promise…
…and without trust, you shatter any hope of inspired performance. Every workplace needs trust, and every leader at every level needs to know how to build it and keep it.
People can’t ‘see’ trust. What they see is our behavior. What they experience is how we conduct ourselves, whether delivering high praise or a tough message. What they feel is whether we will operate with a mind-set of integrity and honor in the good times and the bad. Daunting though this might seem, it puts each of us in the driving seat, requiring us to raise our self-awareness and awareness of others and to separate good practice from bad. It calls upon us to reflect on, enhance and apply our Emotional Intelligence, which recognises that we are both rational and emotional beings and underpins the building of trust and its impact on results.
We know that strategy and tactics, processes and procedures, sales and marketing, are all important. We will continue to engage you in conversation about trust, applied emotional intelligence, motivation, and performance. We believe that they are the keys to successful, sustainable lives, businesses and careers. We know that you care about delivering a great service and/or product, or you would not be reading this blog.
We appreciate that you give your time to our thoughts. We are glad that we are building some trust with you!
Please click on leave a reply and give us your thoughts on these three questions below.
So, what kind of trust is there on your team?
What type of trust do you have in the organization you work for?
And, how can you build trust where you work?
In trust,
Stephen and Margaret
Back In the Saddle Again!
Here we are, getting back into the flow of life and work, after some level of interruption, distraction, fun, family and other holiday stresses. Some of us had long weekends. Some had more than 2 weeks off. Some worked harder than ever, particularly in healthcare and hospitality. And, now most of us are back at work, clearing our emails and snail mail, thinking…
Yet, if one thing is clear, what has worked in the recent past in our businesses, lives, politics, government, just is not working that well…
…and even if your life is prospering, this is a great time for some introspection and consideration for ways to live more fully, with more fulfillment, contribution, and compassion. The world needs it.
As my good friend Andy Feld says in his thought-provoking blog, book and speeches, http://www.andyfeld.net/…
The process of change starts with identifying what you want and then creating the road map to get it. Sure, outside advisors are helpful in any endeavor, but our individual heart, mind, and soul always hold the primary answers that are best for us individually. We access this information through silence and meditation.
As 2012 begins let’s try something new. Turn off or turn down some of the noise (friends, TV, computers, radio) and take some time for silence each and every day and learn to get comfortable with it. In silence ask for what best serves you (not anyone else) and what is your best road map. As you ask in silence, your soul will always respond with beauty and love, just TRUST.
TRUST is our ThirdLEVEL brand. Let’s together listen to Andy’s advice. Slow it down, get to the inner voice which can truly only be heard in silence. Learn to trust that voice, and then we are trusting ourselves. When we trust ourselves, we become consistent and trustworthy with others. When we do that, we have powerful, trusting relationships.
And, as we listen to that inner voice, we just might find easier, more productive, more enjoyable ways to be physically, emotionally, and spiritually healthier – and thus do better work, be better leaders, and have a healthier workplace, home community, and world.
I am lucky that I live here in beautiful Delray Beach, Florida. I am less than 10 minutes from one of the most beautiful beaches in the world. My still point comes to me at the beach. I take the time at least 3 x per week to walk the beach and sit at the beach, listening only to nature. Quieting my mind, asking for guidance, peace, and inspiration. It always brings some of those to me. Often, I feel transformed.
What works for you?
What do you do to quiet your mind, listen to your inner voice?
And, what insights have you gotten?
Here’s to a trusting and wonderful inside-out 2012 for us all!
Stephen, Margaret, and the ThirdLEVEL Team
The Holidays: A recipe for success…
As another holiday season approaches, many people are happy and celebrating – and many are also feeling increased levels of stress.
The holidays can be the most beautiful time of the year – and they are also the most stressful time of year for many. The parties and the gifts are great, and someone is doing the shopping, wrapping, cooking and the preparing. The sheer volume of things that need to be done can be overwhelming. And the “Hallmark” and television images of all the joy can actually make things worse. “Why don’t I have that? Feel that? Look like that?”
This sort of stress can spill over into the workplace, and the implications for productivity and job performance can be significant. Warning signs of holiday-induced stress include changes in performance, lack of mental energy, anxiety, frustration, loss of temper, lack of focus, and inability to deal with distractions or changes.
While the holiday season is highly anticipated for all its joys and pleasures, it can also be one of the most stressful times of the year for many individuals. Thirty-nine percent of employees say managing their workloads can be difficult during the holiday season, and 41 percent of employees say their workloads are already too heavy, finds a new survey by Accountemps. In a poll of 600 full-time employees, Accenture’s HR Services found that 66 percent of the respondents reported additional stress at work during the holidays.
A lot of people have a lot of issues that arise from the past or from their current situation that seem to be more exaggerated or highlighted at the holidays. The holidays are a hectic time. For others: they can be stressful associating painful memories or the loss of a loved one or a relationship that has ended.
For those who work in a business that gets a lot busier during the holidays, the hectic pace, and harried customers can cause them to lose some of the joy and meaning of the season. Some feel stress because they can’t get time off during the holidays to get together with family and friends, while others volunteer for stress because they want to work as many extra hours as they can so they’ll have more money to spend on Christmas or Hanukkah gifts.
Taking the necessary steps to prepare for the hustle and bustle of the holidays can help ensure that any stressors encountered are merely minor hurdles that can be easily eliminated so that everyone can enjoy the holidays to the fullest.
The number one way to reduce stress during the holidays is to manage expectations. There are only so many hours in the day and everything doesn’t have to be perfect, he added. Let it be, and let in the love! Regardless of what creates stress for you, take some time for yourself to relax, rejuvenate, and rest so you can enjoy a peaceful and joyous holiday season.
What do you do to manage stress during the holidays? If you would like to share please leave a comment below.
‘Our distrust is very expensive’ – Ralph Waldo Emerson
While businesses fight to win on strategy, product, innovation and route to market, the biggest intangible asset of all languishes in the corner, condemned as soft, fluffy, irrelevant.
That asset is trust.
And as Stephen Covey says in ‘The Speed of Trust’, it’s the one thing that changes everything.
When trust is absent, you know it.
The lack of it topples governments, destroys relationships and undermines businesses.
It shows up in turf wars and fiefdoms, hidden agendas and politicking, inter-personal conflict, gossip, defend-and-protect communication.
It impedes debate, slows decisions, obstructs teamwork and restricts creativity.
It creates an ‘us’ and ‘them’ divide that management teeters across on an unsteady bridge of engagement surveys, mitigating actions – ‘you said, we did’ – and hope.
Many companies function with a lack of trust at their heart but few would recognize it as an economic drain.
Some businesses accept as inevitable the conditions spawned by its absence, either putting up with them or trying a variety of palliative measures. For others, however, the economic nature of trust is becoming more and more apparent.
The Ratio of Speed & Trust
Covey states that ‘trust always affects two outcomes: speed and cost.
When trust goes down, speed goes down and costs go up. When trust goes up, speed goes up and costs go down’.
Think about the relationships you have where trust is high.
It’s easier to get things done, to put issues on the able and discuss them, to be yourself, to believe in the agreements you make.
If something goes wrong, you are more likely to see it in a positive light. Then think about the opposite.
Where trust is low, what happens?
You may be spending a lot of time and energy managing a relationship, making sure things don’t go wrong, trying to come to an agreement, dodging the issues.
When things go awry, you are very unlikely to give the other side the benefit of the doubt.
As Covey says, ‘low trust causes friction’, and friction, by its very nature, slows, hampers, resists – and ultimately affects results.
‘Technique and technology are important, but adding trust is the issue of the decade’ – Tom Peters
How much effort and energy is burned up by businesses dealing with this kind of friction?
How much time and money is lost?
Most businesses, irrespective of size and sector, are made up of a fabric of relationships between individuals, teams, managers, stakeholders, clients and suppliers.
Most, at some point, will experience competing priorities, multiple (and sometimes opposing) objectives and erratic communication.
Potentially, you have a constant source of fuel for the frictional fire and its impact on results.
However this does not make it inevitable.
Trust can be built and maintained.
At ThirdLEVEL, we see this every day in the work we do with our clients.
Although rarely articulated in this way, it is a fundamental reason for engaging us.
Mostly we are hired to work with leadership teams and emerging leaders, developing emotional intelligence capabilities and strengthening the business through improved performance and engagement.
But without fail we deal in the currency of trust and the impact on speed and cost.
Building trust is not an overnight sensation.
It cannot be mandated or forced.
What we have seen and experienced is that it takes insight into self and others and shared experience over time. It takes a leader with courage to step forward and believe it’s possible. It’s frustrating, challenging and demanding.
But the rewards it yields are massive, for individuals, for teams and for the business. For example we have seen:
- How self-awareness and trust rises in a team, how niggling resentments get put on the table and addressed
- How the avoid-at-all-costs topics get broached, how competing objectives get acknowledged and collective wisdom brought to bear.
- Teams get to grips with each other’s constraints, challenges and pressures and how support is requested, offered and accepted.
- Teams get behind their shared goals, with a sense of collective pride, and deliver results under the greatest of pressure.
And possibly most significantly, as people see that it really is possible to build trust, adjust perceptions of each other and work together differently, they feel happier, enjoy themselves more and lift their individual productivity as a result. And that is gold-dust for any company.
What is your experience of high and low trust relationships at work?
How did you perform?
How did the team perform?
How did it make money, or cost your business profits?
We are so glad to finally be getting ourselves into the 21st century. After much resistance and many excuses, we are proud to be starting the ThirdLEVEL blog.
I was sure this would happen last year – oops, could not get there; OK, first quarter this year – nope, the client load was too great; by June: really, by June…(no excuses); absolutely by mid- September – NOT!
Well, here we are now, at last.
That frustration, the angst of not delivering, the mistrust it builds in ourselves and our colleagues, that is a source of mistrust.
As someone who somehow is on our email list (meaning you are either friend, family or at some time we crossed paths) you are receiving the first issue. You probably have had similar experiences. It is probably hard to keep your commitments all the time, and the stress and tension it creates - well, it does not make life better…
…and we certainly don’t perform better under stress and when there is mistrust.
Our mission is to help people at work enjoy and improve their work experiences and performance through deepening trust and transforming teams.
Or, simply working better together!
Overwhelm and mistrust are everywhere in today’s fast-paced world. We can’t trust our politicians to do their job of working together to pass laws that will improve our society. They score points.
We can’t trust our institutions to do their jobs of guarding our wealth and providing security. They got too caught up in the greed and speed of the times, and many of them simply failed. Household names are gone.
We can’t trust much of what we read, as it is on the internet, and anyone can say anything…
Lastly, we start to mistrust ourselves. We have so much to do, and the conveniences of 2011 make our lives accessible 24/7/365, that it is virtually impossible to meet the deadlines and agreements we agree to – even with the best of intentions. So, our work is often late, not complete, and a source of frustration to ourselves and our colleagues.
Hopefully you will find our blogs relevant, thoughtful and helpful.
Our blog is the most recent addition to that ever-expanding list of initiatives (arrgh, more deadlines!) directed at providing the highest quality services to our clients and friends. Let us know what you think – and how you feel – about our ideas.
In trust,
Stephen
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